Law of physics broken, sets loose Unicorns, Christian Atheist Pastors, and Cthulhu

The news is out, physicists in New York finally been able to wrestle the continuum of reality to the ground and have broken one of her limbs, otherwise known as parity, 'if only for a moment'.

Parity is a law that states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Now with "one of the most “sacred” laws of nature" broken, scientists have unleashed a totally uncalled for shit storm upon the world.

As of last tuesday, the New York State Zoo's collection of unicorns broke free and galloped away on a rainbow.

"We didn't even know we had a collection of unicorns," said one of the zookeepers, "I've worked here for 30 years and never been aware of this. But someone called in a report of escaping unicorns, i went to go check, and by God there was a unicorn keep. It was right were the monkeys used to be."

Likewise across the globe over in the Netherlands, an Atheist Preacher has been allowed to keep his office in a protestant church. After thousands of years of war, burnt flesh, and vitriol filled speech against all heathens and non-believers, it appears as if Christianity has stopped giving a fuck about whether one believes or not in their meticulous doctrines and decided to start being the inclusive, love your neighbor religion Jesus the Christ wanted it to be.

And in the same step of law breaking blasphemy, scientists have developed the first artificial cell.

The same day the law of parity was broken, earthquakes were reported around the southern tip of South America and New Zealand. Scientists stationed in Antarctica were able to calm the world public down by announcing that they have "confirmed that this is nothing to worry about. [The] stars are right and the city of R'lyeh is just rising from the depths as Cthulhu wakes from his slumber."

After everyone realized that the situation was typical and not a cataclysmic earthquake, they began to say goodbye to their firstborns as they sent them off to be sacrificed to the Elder God himself.

In other news, seemily taboo and odd events have been happening around the globe to such a degree that not even the information superhighway has been able to catalog the half of them. The dead Psychonaut Anarcho-Libertarian Robert Anton Wilson was not surprised by these events, and now feels he can rest in peace with his other dead Psychonaut Anarchist friends, Terence Mckenna and Timothy Leary, with the satisfaction of knowing that the world turned out to be the acid trip they always thought it was.

Liberal Atheists Release Study Revealing That They're Smarter Then Everyone Else

This just in; Liberal Atheist Dr.Satoshi Kanazawa has just finished collecting massive amounts of data for his meta-analysis study on human intelligence and concluded that Liberal Atheists like him are smarter then everyone else. At least men, anyway. The Doctor claims his collection of studies show that Liberal Atheist minded people have 11 points on average over conservative Christians on their IQ tests. The study also shows that Liberal Atheists make better husbands.

Seriously.

Many have already come forward to accuse Kanazawa of being overtly biased, tampering with test scores in order to get the results he wants to compensate for his lack of endowment.

"Basically he's telling everyone to believe Liberal Atheists are smarter then everyone else solely because he said so," Said Conservative Dan, "using the same facade of fascist empirical research Hitler used to forward his ideology of master race biology. I say we go over there to his fanciful tea-time palace over in london and show him what a waterboard looks like."

We later were able to get a few words from the verbose Skepticalfag, who was highly caustic of Dr. Kanazawa's results.

"Skepticalfag is skeptical," commented Skepticalfag, "Does anyone else think its a bit fishy that a Male Liberal Atheist came up with a study to show that specifically Male Liberal Atheists are more intellectually dominant? I mean, i'm no feminist, but I know a bluff when I see one.

"Second; Only two kinds of people take meta-analysis seriously, one is the field of medicine (and God only knows how fucked there shit is), and the other is Dean Radin, Parapsychologist extraordinaire. I would hope Mr. Satoshi whats-his-name doesn't ascribe to either. But being that this is the same asshole that thinks a nation's average IQ scores is an accurate measure of how dedicated they are to healthcare, and that the populations in sub-Saharan Africa are less healthy because they have a low IQ, and being in a poor, unhealthy environment has nothing to do with it, I wouldn't get my hopes up."

As expected, Male Butthurt-Atheist Brian Sapient of the RRS ('Rational' Response Squad) appeared on stickam.com shortly after the study was released to make fun of theists and gloat around over his own supposed intelligence.

"Well, i'd like to go on TV to rant and rave about how this chinky eyed bastard is spreading the seed of the devil," said Jerry Falwells ghost, "but i'm kind of dead."

We later got to speak to Evolutionary Biologist, Paleontologist, Historian of Science Stephen J Gould about this subject, who happens to think that Kanazawa and his IQ tests are total fucking bullshit:

"[I think it's safe to say that according Kanazawa's previous history and the underlying tones of his current work, it's obvious he is trying to achieve the ridiculous aim of] abstracting intelligence as a single entity, its location within the brain, its quantification as one number for each individual, and the use of these numbers to rank people in a single series of worthiness, invariably to conclude that oppressed and disadvantaged groups, races, classes, or sexes are innately inferior and deserve their status. [Which is retarded]."

To conclude; we predict that, although Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa's studies are self serving, biased, and overall fucktarded, that there will be an 89% chance of sexist-liberal-atheist hate showers over the vast intellectual abyss of the internetz. Bring your umbrella, and don't feed the trolls.