James Randi Embraces a Different Kind of Skepticism

"None of you fuckers exist, and I can prove it." - James Randi

Long time skeptic, science pundit, and hater of all things paranormal, James Randi has left the domains of science, embracing a more radical and cut throat skepticism: Solipsism.

James Randi no longer believes that the cutting edge of science can satisfy him and his overtly skeptical urges. Where as once his scientific realism was the basis for his skepticism, now his skepticism has turned against science, and virtually everything else.

"I remember doing this one magic trick back in the 80's" said James Randi, " It's been really bugging me at the back of my mind since then, and Its about time I settle with it.

"I used that magic trick as a basis to prove across the board that all psychics were frauds. I remember the trick being really simple. It wasn't even eloquent or nifty. It was really low grade stuff- and every one applauded me. I'm not shitting you, everyone started clapping over how great this shitty magic trick I learned in 4th grade was. No one even bothered to call me out on the logical gap I had made in my statement that because I can pull a card out of my ass, that all psychics were frauds."

This discomfort in Randi's old, crotchety heart grew over the years. It seemed like everything he did regarding magic tricks and the paranormal received automatic applause from a skeptical community who did nothing but pat themselves on the back all day about how skeptical they were.

"I don't know if these guys ever actually read any of the material I put out, because anyone who was really skeptical would put my material into question. But no, this hardly ever happened at all. None of the skeptics are skeptical of themselves or their scientific methods, which means they're not really skeptics, they're dogmatists; dogmatists who are figments of my mind, but dogmatists none the less."

Another event that had James' panties in a bunch happened in the 80's when he had a tv show. He did an experiment with an astrologer. Not just any kind of experiment, though, a loaded experiment that went something like this: take a handful of married couples, mix them up so you don't know whose married to who, and try to match them to their spouse by their sun sign.

The problem with that is, as the astrologer pointed out, is that your missing over 9/10 of a persons relevant astrological information if you are just given their sun sign, and those are not favorable conditions to try to match couples at all, let alone do anything else regarding a persons astrology.

The experiment was a disaster as virtually none of the real couples were actually matched together, the crowd awed in astonishment, and Randi succeeded in publicly humiliating the practice of astrology on television by not giving the astrologer enough time or information to conduct the experiment with more then 5-10% of the relevant information regarding peoples astrological natal charts.



"Only a con man can get away with a stunt like that," said Randi, " and no one was calling me out on it."

This discomfort grew to even greater size when he came up with the 'million dollar challenge'. Randi, who admittedly has an 'abysmal knowledge of statistics', made up some bullshit test for psychics wherein the only way you could pass was by scoring within chances of 1 in a million- a number unheard of in scientific experiments, yet "everyone treated the challenge as if it was actual science."

The problem here was that people of the scientific skeptical type would use Randi's million dollar challenge as a tool of rhetoric to reject psychic phenomena of any kind by going "well, have you beaten Randi's challenge?" The thing is that the challenge, if beaten, could be rejected on the grounds that passing one single test does not constitute a scientific fact. Its a lose/lose scenario. If you don't pass it, your wrong. If you do pass it, it doesn't count.

The fact that no one within the skeptical community called him on his bullshit use of statistics, his crappy experiment designs, his lack of scientific credentials, or his smoke screen publicity stunts, proved his suspicions to him even more: everything was just a figment of his imagination.

"It's the only explanation that suffices" said Randi, "I simply can't live in a world were people actually buy into my shitty magic tricks and publicity stunts. Any other time someone with a lack of a scientific background comes along and makes all these shoddy experiments and claims, they get ripped a new asshole. For some reason I have been spared from this. Hell, I've been spared from a lot more then that. When I went into chemotherapy the other day, I didn't experience the pain I hear that most people go through.

"It all must be a result of my mind constructing a vaguely painless, pat-you-on-the-back, congratulatory reality that's all in my head."

Scientists have said that there's a perfectly logical explanation for why he's not experiencing pain going through chemo therapy, to which Randi agreed, and responded by pointing to his head. The New Age thinks he may be onto something.

"I wasn't a solipsist at first. It started by me taking my skepticism to new lengths. How could I prove the world existed outside of my sensations? I couldn't. It's not possible. To believe in anymore then my sensory impressions is an absolute matter of faith, and I can't have any of that.

"But I didn't think that it was all my imagination, not at first. I didn't start thinking that until the world bought into my bad writing, my leaps in logic, my cruddy magical demonstrations, the experiments I (tried to) conduct, my lack of scientific credentials, my tirades. If that wasn't enough, the chemo thing really kicked it off for me that this was all a phantasm of my mind, and that I'm some eternal semi conscious demi-god comparable to the Brahman of the Hindu pantheon.

"Yeah, I may get sick every once and a while," says Randi, "and it hurts when I pinch myself, but I don't think that its proof of the external world. Until I have proof of the external world, I can only assume any 'sickness' or 'pain' I experience is a perturbation of my mental faculties, and nothing more. The burden of proof is on the external world, not me."

He has since left CSICOP and The Skeptical Society and dedicated a new monthly magazine publication to writings on his solipsism and drawing comparisons between him and eastern mythological figures like Braham and Bodhisattva.

Randi's departure has also sent a tremor through the 'skeptical' community. We put that in quotes because they have since had their title stripped from them and are now being called out on for being the dogmatic scientific realists they are. Debates have been exploding as to what constitutes real skepticism. Some people have come forward to say that skepticism isn't a position or a stance, but a weapon. Skepticism has no bias or foundation in any kind of epistemology, and can be aimed at everything from experience to religion to science itself- this has been a concept virtually unheard of to anyone who wasn't already a post-modernist.

Randi is only bemused by the fact that his imagination is running so wild now that he's become aware of it's predominance over 'reality'. When he's not writing for his magazines, he spends his time meditating about his Brahman-self in a hut on the Appalachian mountains.

New Scientific Study Discovers strange "Barnes & Noble Syndrome"

The hottest new word in psychological circles since "Depressive Realism" and "Messianic Complex", "Barnes & Nobles Syndrome" has apparently been sweeping the nation since the early 90's undetected by social psychologists.

The phenomena was first posited by Barry Schwartz, author of the book 'The Paradox of Choice'. A book in which he explains that having to much shit to choose from actually impairs ones decision making abilities, and leaves consumers unhappy. He suggests that we should strive for less consumer choice in our stores and lives so that we can be happy with what he have, instead of wishing that we would've gotten one of the million other items at our disposal instead.

Oddly enough, Schwartz never deduced that companies put out so many choices precisely because it makes consumers unhappy, and ergo, shop more.

Schwartz tells us of how he thought up his theorem:

"I once walked into barnes and noble, and the first thing I noticed was that I completely blacked out. I dont know for how long, but I regained awareness outside of the Barnes and Noble with ten things in my hand, and none of them were money."

Schwartz got a paper back version of the Da Vinci Code, Ulysses with commentary by Stuart Gilbert, a handbook of chakra exercises he found in the bargain section, a history of white people, and a box set with half of the Dark Tower series in it. He also had a Mocha Latte and a triple chunk chocolate chip cookie from the cafe, and on the way out was convinced into buying a nook e-book.

"I dont understand," Schwartz continued, " why the hell did they only put half of the dark tower series in the box set? They whole series is published, put the whole damn thing in there!" He paused in frustration, "And a better question is what compelled me to get half of a box set?"

After Schwartz released his paper on the B&N Syndrome, many social scientists started conducting experiments, and confirming Schwartz's suspicion.

"It was weird," Said a participant in a study, "I just got out of my car and stopped by the B&N by the mall. And when they asked me to recollect my experience when I left the store for their 'study', I couldn't recall a single thing I did in there. But here I am, with a magazine on professional cameras and "The Stuff of Thought"- I dont even have an interest in photography or psychology, so I dont know why I bought these things."

One theory explaining the syndrome states that, while entering the store, their higher primate brain takes over. The need to appear smart and intelligent to other people drives them to buy books of any kind, just so that they can add more to their bookshelf and appear smart. Another theory states that 9/11 was an inside job, and its all part of the governments plot to brainwash people into being submissive sheeple who have no control over their own minds.

The key symptom of B&N syndrome is always an undulation of consciousness and a compulsion to buy unnecessary literature that does not even appeal to a persons interests, followed by a regained awareness, and a handful of items they didn't want to begin with. It is widely recognized by the results that its to late to avoid the rest of the effects of the syndrome if they have already encountered the first symptom and blacked out.

Some say that they have actually 'woken up' from their trance state in the middle of the store and realized that they didn't need to buy that picture book of Dante's Inferno or that pulp novel they will never read, dropped the items, and left. But since no scientific studies have been able to reproduce such behavior, it remains to be unconfirmed, anecdotal, unscientific speculation.