Pro-Lifers Boycott Eating Eggs, Saying 'Abortion is Murder'

This last Sunday a demonstration was held outside a chain grocery store by a local Pro-Life group. The group chained themselves to the store entrance so that no one could get in, and that they would do this until the store took Eggs off their shelf. They were claiming that the eating chicken eggs for breakfast was abortion, and therefore murder.



"Most people don't understand what kind of pain the chicken fetuses and their mothers are going through," said one Neo-Hippy vegan Christian protestor, "this practice is very wrong, and a symptom of the greater culture going mad."

The boycotters have formed a group called "The Anti-Eating Eggs for Breakfast League" (or AEEBL), and are claiming that the common act of cracking an egg over a frying pan and cooking the chicken fetus is a form of abortion. Their demand is not only that eggs be taken off the shelves, but they say that the chickens should decide to either get married, have kids, and lead responsible adult lives, or stay celibate.

"Chickens shouldn't be running around popping out eggs left and right only to give them to people to abort," commented one pro-lifer, chained to an ATM at the end of the line, "Its all and all debauchery, and we should not tolerate this kind of behavior. Its especially a damn shame that all these farmers are encouraging this behavior as well."



Customers waiting outside trying to get through to their food argued with the protesters, saying that the chickens are forced to go through this process, and that they should have the choice as to whether or not they should have their eggs aborted because its their body.

One man who actually got into the store before the protesters showed up was trapped inside by the line. For about an hour of screaming at the pro-lifers about how he just wanted to go home and eat breakfast, he got fed up and bought eight whole boxes of eggs, and began to protest the protesters by egging the backs of their heads through that nifty automatic sliding door at the exit.

In order to reach a compromise, its been supposed that chickens should use birth control in order to control the flow of eggs they have. The pro-lifers are vehemently against this option claiming that all forms of birth control, even the forms that are used purely for the prevention of pregnancy, are sin.

Critics say that their not really eating chickens, they're mostly eating the yolk, and that white shit around the sides. This is nothing personal against the fetus.


They are also quick to point out that the fairly tiny chicken fetus within the egg isn't even halfway through the first trimester when eaten, and does not bare any resemblance to the biological markings of a chicken at all, so in a strictly legal sense its not one.

"As long as its not legally a chicken, I should be able to eat it," said long time pro-choice activist and critic of AEEBL, Whoopi Goldberg.

The boycott line was eventually broken by the man stuck inside the store as he eventually decided to run them over with his cart. The costumers then rushed past all of them into the store, trampling on several individuals who were still chained together. After being yelled at all morning by hungry customers, getting a bunch of bad publicity and being covered in chicken fetuses, they decided to give up the fight, at least for the moment, and depart.

The man who was stuck inside the store for 6 hours went home and enjoyed the best batch of eggs he has ever had; scrambled, with a little bit of milk mixed in, and with a side of sausage links and orange juice.